I think this is my favorite of yours so far! It's wonderfully creepy and cryptic, never over explains, and the ending leaves us wondering. The imagery is effective too. Although I would recommend trying to pull away from the "Not X, but Y" sentence structure, as it tends to diminish a description's impact. If you don't mind, I'll quote an example to show you.
Also, a confusing bit was I thought Corin and Rina had already lost a digit each. Rina was even described as having a recently severed finger--unless that was an illusion? But then, why the fever?
“Chasing was loud; this thing was intimate” was such a strong line. The story feels less like being hunted by a creature and more like carrying a debt that has already entered the body and the landscape around it.
So is the third nail for the master? :O
I think this is my favorite of yours so far! It's wonderfully creepy and cryptic, never over explains, and the ending leaves us wondering. The imagery is effective too. Although I would recommend trying to pull away from the "Not X, but Y" sentence structure, as it tends to diminish a description's impact. If you don't mind, I'll quote an example to show you.
Also, a confusing bit was I thought Corin and Rina had already lost a digit each. Rina was even described as having a recently severed finger--unless that was an illusion? But then, why the fever?
yes yes, they already lost a nail - a finger. Now their hands has three fingers like the one they saw in the tree.
Ahh, because Corin was counting his fingers, and he was counting ten.
Shit, will fix. Thank you!!!
Hahaha. Maybe you put it in there just to check to see if I actually read your story. :p
This one is my sleep deprived bad lol. Not X, it's Y is the trap.
It did not fade into the wind. It was swallowed.
^^This above I would fix, for more impact: "It was swallowed by the wind."
I see hehe. I thought about it before posting and was like.. Hmm, let’s irritate the turnip queen lol.
A really cool read! Kept me invested and questioning. Just enough info to make me care about them and the danger they're in.
Thank you for reading <3
“Chasing was loud; this thing was intimate” was such a strong line. The story feels less like being hunted by a creature and more like carrying a debt that has already entered the body and the landscape around it.
Thank you so much Antonio. You are the best. <3